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pipmer1Just a bit of an update on things.
It occurred to me awhile ago that I haven't been bothered by my OCD in quite some time. Not just *not bothered*.. but actual absence of symptoms. Isn't it funny how I didn't notice the absence right away? It seems that I would have promptly noticed that I wasn't being bothered anymore by something that has given me such grief in the past. I suppose that if something just isn't there anymore, your focus is no longer drawn to *it* but to other things, thereby making its absence less noticeable. I don't even know if I'm making any sense :D
Anyway... it's quite a relief, for now. That's not to say I'm no longer anxious or insecure; in fact, those two things are now thrust into the forefront since my OCD is no longer there to mask it. But I feel like I have some sort of control over those, whereas I felt like such a victim of my OCD. So that's a good thing, I guess.
I can't quite figure out why the change. I'm not on any meds. I was in therapy for awhile, but I haven't been back for quite a few months now. I honestly don't know why. As a scientist, it's a bit unnerving because I would like to think there's some sort of connection somewhere, something that I'm doing or something in my environment that's causing it. I don't like randomness, because that implies lack of control, which i HATE. I'd like to know if it's something I'm doing so that I can *continue* doing it. Otherwise, I'm at the mercy of fate's whims, which makes me very uneasy. I *do* know that I started feeling relief back when I resumed therapy again. But I discontinued that, so... I don't know.
Anyway, please drop me a line, I'd love to hear from you.
It occurred to me awhile ago that I haven't been bothered by my OCD in quite some time. Not just *not bothered*.. but actual absence of symptoms. Isn't it funny how I didn't notice the absence right away? It seems that I would have promptly noticed that I wasn't being bothered anymore by something that has given me such grief in the past. I suppose that if something just isn't there anymore, your focus is no longer drawn to *it* but to other things, thereby making its absence less noticeable. I don't even know if I'm making any sense :D
Anyway... it's quite a relief, for now. That's not to say I'm no longer anxious or insecure; in fact, those two things are now thrust into the forefront since my OCD is no longer there to mask it. But I feel like I have some sort of control over those, whereas I felt like such a victim of my OCD. So that's a good thing, I guess.
I can't quite figure out why the change. I'm not on any meds. I was in therapy for awhile, but I haven't been back for quite a few months now. I honestly don't know why. As a scientist, it's a bit unnerving because I would like to think there's some sort of connection somewhere, something that I'm doing or something in my environment that's causing it. I don't like randomness, because that implies lack of control, which i HATE. I'd like to know if it's something I'm doing so that I can *continue* doing it. Otherwise, I'm at the mercy of fate's whims, which makes me very uneasy. I *do* know that I started feeling relief back when I resumed therapy again. But I discontinued that, so... I don't know.
Anyway, please drop me a line, I'd love to hear from you.
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no subject
Date: 2014-06-01 03:11 pm (UTC)But, here's a thing. Even if you can't identify the specific thing that is causing it, can you say to yourself "I know I can feel better, and this is what feeling better looks like"? Because for me, when I'm drowning, being able to say "I've been here before and I've made my way back out" can be a really helpful thing. Even if the way out isn't the same every time, just knowing that there has been a way out in the past means a lot.
Just my two cents, perhaps worth less than that.
Good to see you posting!
no subject
Date: 2014-06-06 02:38 pm (UTC)No, please, what you have to say is worth way more than two cents; it's worth its weight in gold.
And it makes perfect sense to me! I've been through trying circumstances in the past that have actually led to the best times of my life. And knowing that I've experienced those good times lets me know that there's no reason I can't have them again.
And also, I've been doing some readings on personal growth, and one line of thinking in particular stresses not so much positive 'thinking' as positive 'feeling'. If I can remember and grab ahold of what it 'felt' like when I was at my happiest, that can really lead to some drastic changes.
I'm so glad you popped in with your words of wisdom! I hope things are looking good for you as well!