May. 31st, 2014 04:50 pm
pipmer1: (Default)
[personal profile] pipmer1
Just a bit of an update on things.

It occurred to me awhile ago that I haven't been bothered by my OCD in quite some time. Not just *not bothered*.. but actual absence of symptoms. Isn't it funny how I didn't notice the absence right away? It seems that I would have promptly noticed that I wasn't being bothered anymore by something that has given me such grief in the past. I suppose that if something just isn't there anymore, your focus is no longer drawn to *it* but to other things, thereby making its absence less noticeable. I don't even know if I'm making any sense :D

Anyway... it's quite a relief, for now. That's not to say I'm no longer anxious or insecure; in fact, those two things are now thrust into the forefront since my OCD is no longer there to mask it. But I feel like I have some sort of control over those, whereas I felt like such a victim of my OCD. So that's a good thing, I guess.

I can't quite figure out why the change. I'm not on any meds. I was in therapy for awhile, but I haven't been back for quite a few months now. I honestly don't know why. As a scientist, it's a bit unnerving because I would like to think there's some sort of connection somewhere, something that I'm doing or something in my environment that's causing it. I don't like randomness, because that implies lack of control, which i HATE. I'd like to know if it's something I'm doing so that I can *continue* doing it. Otherwise, I'm at the mercy of fate's whims, which makes me very uneasy. I *do* know that I started feeling relief back when I resumed therapy again. But I discontinued that, so... I don't know.

Anyway, please drop me a line, I'd love to hear from you.
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pipmer1: (Default)

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