May. 31st, 2014 04:50 pm
pipmer1: (Default)
[personal profile] pipmer1
Just a bit of an update on things.

It occurred to me awhile ago that I haven't been bothered by my OCD in quite some time. Not just *not bothered*.. but actual absence of symptoms. Isn't it funny how I didn't notice the absence right away? It seems that I would have promptly noticed that I wasn't being bothered anymore by something that has given me such grief in the past. I suppose that if something just isn't there anymore, your focus is no longer drawn to *it* but to other things, thereby making its absence less noticeable. I don't even know if I'm making any sense :D

Anyway... it's quite a relief, for now. That's not to say I'm no longer anxious or insecure; in fact, those two things are now thrust into the forefront since my OCD is no longer there to mask it. But I feel like I have some sort of control over those, whereas I felt like such a victim of my OCD. So that's a good thing, I guess.

I can't quite figure out why the change. I'm not on any meds. I was in therapy for awhile, but I haven't been back for quite a few months now. I honestly don't know why. As a scientist, it's a bit unnerving because I would like to think there's some sort of connection somewhere, something that I'm doing or something in my environment that's causing it. I don't like randomness, because that implies lack of control, which i HATE. I'd like to know if it's something I'm doing so that I can *continue* doing it. Otherwise, I'm at the mercy of fate's whims, which makes me very uneasy. I *do* know that I started feeling relief back when I resumed therapy again. But I discontinued that, so... I don't know.

Anyway, please drop me a line, I'd love to hear from you.

Date: 2014-06-01 06:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] debriswoman.livejournal.com
Hi...I am glad that things have improved, even though it has left you a bit unsettled as to the reason. I truly hope that you can relax a bit more and take full advantage of the situation.

And it is good to hear from you again:-)

All the very best:-)

Date: 2014-06-06 02:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pipmer1.livejournal.com
Thanks, deb! I have been just enjoying it and trying to not overthink things too much. It can only be a good thing.

Thanks for dropping by, it's good to hear from you :)

Date: 2014-06-01 03:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kestrel337.livejournal.com
I'm glad you are feeling better, though saddened to hear your fear that it is at the whims of fate.

But, here's a thing. Even if you can't identify the specific thing that is causing it, can you say to yourself "I know I can feel better, and this is what feeling better looks like"? Because for me, when I'm drowning, being able to say "I've been here before and I've made my way back out" can be a really helpful thing. Even if the way out isn't the same every time, just knowing that there has been a way out in the past means a lot.

Just my two cents, perhaps worth less than that.

Good to see you posting!

Date: 2014-06-06 02:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pipmer1.livejournal.com
Hi, kestrel!

No, please, what you have to say is worth way more than two cents; it's worth its weight in gold.

And it makes perfect sense to me! I've been through trying circumstances in the past that have actually led to the best times of my life. And knowing that I've experienced those good times lets me know that there's no reason I can't have them again.

And also, I've been doing some readings on personal growth, and one line of thinking in particular stresses not so much positive 'thinking' as positive 'feeling'. If I can remember and grab ahold of what it 'felt' like when I was at my happiest, that can really lead to some drastic changes.

I'm so glad you popped in with your words of wisdom! I hope things are looking good for you as well!

Date: 2014-06-01 03:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] opaljade.livejournal.com
*hugs* Nice to hear from you. :D Glad to hear things have improved for you, my dear.
I didn't realize you were a scientist as well. Cool.

I've been away from LJ for a while too. I need to catch up now that I can sit down. ( I seriously injured my buttock while playing soccer… )

How is the writing going? Work? The roommate? Please keep us updated!

Date: 2014-06-06 02:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pipmer1.livejournal.com
Hi Opal!

Well, I majored in biology, and have worked in quality assurance and pharmaceutical labs in the past. But I don't work in the field anymore, although I'd like to get back into it. Also, two of my interests lie in evolutionary biology and zoology. So at this point, I'm more of an armchair scientist, I guess.

Oh ouch! concerning your injury. I knew that you were a soccer player; didn't you travel overseas sometime ago to compete?

The writing is going pretty well; I keep having ideas, at any rate. Work is busy; a lot of us are putting in 10 hour days or more. The roommate - still in process, lol. He at least has a steady job, and he's paying for his own phone without having to rely on my name and credit. Hopefully he'll have his own car soon too.

Big hugs to you!

Date: 2014-06-03 01:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ellieet.livejournal.com
Do you know, I've got OCD as well. I was diagnosed when I was a teenager (in my 20s now) and it can be such a sticky disorder at times.

I think the fact that you didn't notice you were getting better is good, because the key thing with OCD is distraction and you must have been brilliantly distracted to be able to get on with things. Well done you. :)

Date: 2014-06-06 02:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pipmer1.livejournal.com
Hi ellieet! I'm sorry you have to deal with such anxiety. There's so many different forms of OCD, but we all have that in common at least.

You have a good point about it being all about distraction. I know that while I was in college I was barely troubled by it at all, since my mind was otherwise engaged. Recently it might be all the reading and writing I've been doing that has helped. At any rate, I can't complain!

Thanks for popping in, I hope you have a good weekend :)


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